Saturday, 24 January 2009
Difficulties
Some things are really difficult at the moment, my beloved submissive has had a set back with her health, our plans have had to be put on hold and there have been a lot of tears and sadness so on the surface there is not much to be happy about. Over the last few days I have started to realise just how much Lilith really means to me, especially because of some of the fears I have had and to be perfectly honest I don't think I have ever felt such deep emotions in my life. Perhaps this is breaking the unwritten Master's code of being cool and dispassionate and having a bit of distance from your submissive but if it is I don't really care. I don't think there are any right or wrong answers and as I have said before, our relationship gets deeper and more meaningful because of the emotions we have invested.
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Yes we have been going through a real hard week,not that we could say we ever had it real easy. Things really always been bit difficult for us, one reason is distance, nother reason always was my health and as well what made it difficult and still does, has been the worse experience I made on my journey of admitting what I am, which as now already should be known not means admit to me as I did that since long but admit open. That experience made me very very vulnerable, and I really overreact. I always was a very sensitive person and that made me very oversensitive. Which showed specially this week, lot of tears came from that I misunderstood some words, and bursted out tears within seconds. So I am very thankful that my wonderful and beloved Master shows so much patience with me, when I have that oversensitive moments (always lol), he shows of course not only there patience - he shows it in teaching and training as well. And I am very glad about. I know bout fears he had had, and I think one of that should be cleared. I hope he not mind me telling which fear it is. But if he will tell and can discipline and teach me. It was bout leaving, so unless it has to do with my illness it can be easy cleared. And I think about if we could add it to the contract. A sub is always owned by her Master. So from my point of view a sub can not leave her Master. But of course a sub has a own will, not like pets or slaves, so there are circumstances which can make it possible to leave the Master. But that is from my view only then when the Master clear breaks some things of the contract, like with intention hurting the subs health no matter if on a physical or pschycological level, or other serious things. These and things a Master agreed to not do in a contract give a sub the right to leave her Master. Unless that is not, it is still the Masters choice, even if by example and it is just an example now as that for sure will never happen in my case a sub falls for another Master, but then this one has to ask the former. So I think in the Master - sub relations are more rules, written or unwritten then in every other relationsship, and that is good and that is what makes them so strong. And I think I would love to have an add in my contract, that I can not leave my Master unless he does clear and with intention hurting me no matter on which level or breaks serious agreements. I would like having that add about not being able to leave him, to really show the strong bond I have to him
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