In a few days time my darling submissive is coming to stay and I am really looking forward to doing a lot of catching up with her and helping her to feel calm and relaxed as she is very nervous because she had some pretty bad experiences on her journey of discovery. I am also nervous as I want things to be right for her - one of her worries is that I will be disappointed with her and I have a similar feeling of not wanting to disappoint her, we are taking a big step together and I think I would be more worried if there we were not feeling a little fearful.
I am really looking forward to the day of her collaring but I am also very nervous as it is a really big milestone in our relationship and I am feeling a little bit like I am being pulled in two different directions - on one hand I want it to be a really special and romantic occasion as she is the girl I love and on the other I want it to be really powerful and dramatic to heighten the sense of purpose and making an important lifestyle choice for us both.
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I love him my wonderful Master, I really do. We going to make a not easy decision tomorrow, which makes me sleepless. I am ill, and first of all I am very thankfull that my Master accepted me as his sub, even with my illness. We planned me coming to him in two days, but I had some tests today and my doc came up with not good news. So it is either to stay to get a treatment or to ignore and go. I asked my Master to decide, as for me is pretty hard, is head against heart decision, and whole situation is not easy. But he actually really refused to make one. He says is about my health and he won't do that. In a way it made me sad first, as I thought why he not decide, he my Master and at first serious decision he gives away response. But after a while I recognized that this is silly and stupid thought of me. As actually with not deciding bout what to do he takes response. He is my Master, he is responsible for my well being, on all levels which include my health. So in that response the only decision he could make would be to stay and get treatment. But he does not, as he knows would he decide it, it would make me just cry. So he gives it to me. But I know we going to talk about it and should I decide whatever he will give advise and I know he is not given away the responsibility for me. We had a pretty hard day today, and I am more then glad he not run away and disowned me. So I can say it not often enough, I love him, really do deeply love him. And are very thankfull for what he is, a very thoughtful, strict, responsible and good Master
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