So there I am not really sure of things and being a bit hesitant to do anything because I had been so used to being rejected and used that I just didn't want to risk any more, in short I had lost a lot of confidence and did not think anyone wanted anything to do with me.
After a lot of very careful thinking I had a go at online dating which was not very successful at all I came across was series of women who had a very clear 'wish list' for their ideal man - and I did not fit any of their stereotypes. But out of this came a greater awareness of what I really wanted and needed and these money and status obsessed desperate women were not it. All my sexual fantasies were of control and Domination and the idea of any kind of submission on my part was just not arousing.
I will at some point return to some of the fantasy and desire but there is something much more important that happened. Something wonderful and beautiful.
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