Catching Up

Sorry for not keeping this blog as up to date as I should. Suffice to say I still have my darling Lilith and spent a very pleasant week with her in Munich - Hopefully the first of many, many more.

Dreams...

At the moment I am daydreaming about my dear little submissive and thinking about how she is going to serve me. I cannot believe just how important she has become to me and how dependent I am on her - I need to know that she is there for me so that I can feel whole as a Master and I know that she has a very strong need to know that her Master loves her and cares for her.
Oh well...back to work and perhaps one day I might even reveal what my daydream was about, but Lilith can rest assured that it involved her and a good spanking.

On Contracts

For me the most important thing in our relationship is to have a good detailed contract. This is something we have been working on for a long time - and I think it will always be a work in progress because as we discover more about each other there will be things that we want to add or change. This is something for both of us to work on as my dear submissive is allowed free will in some things and there is also my duty as her Master to protect her from emotional, physical or spiritual harm and to set fair limits for both of us. to give an example we have safe words to make sure that we do not go beyond the agreed limits in everyday things but we have also agreed that there are no safe words to be used when she is being disciplined - but to protect her well-being there is a stop word to be used if she needs a break to protect her health - and of course there is also the trust between us that I will do her no harm.
There is also something else about our contract - it is very detailed in what my lovely submissive will do to serve her Master - and because of that it is something that is very arousing to read - think I'll have to stay at my desk for a while now :-)

Commitment

I am not really sure how to say this but since all the difficulties of last week and all the tears and misunderstandings there is one thing that I am now more certain of than anything ever before and that is that I want to keep my sweet submissive Lilith for ever. She is unlike anyone I have ever known before and she is so sweet and loving and full of trust that I cannot bear the thought of being without her.
Once again perhaps these will not be seen as the words or thoughts of a typical Master, I am not able to be cold or dispassionate because I am the owner of a very real and very emotional woman made of flesh and blood and who gives me love and respect as well as her total trust and who gives me strength through her submission.

Difficulties

Some things are really difficult at the moment, my beloved submissive has had a set back with her health, our plans have had to be put on hold and there have been a lot of tears and sadness so on the surface there is not much to be happy about. Over the last few days I have started to realise just how much Lilith really means to me, especially because of some of the fears I have had and to be perfectly honest I don't think I have ever felt such deep emotions in my life. Perhaps this is breaking the unwritten Master's code of being cool and dispassionate and having a bit of distance from your submissive but if it is I don't really care. I don't think there are any right or wrong answers and as I have said before, our relationship gets deeper and more meaningful because of the emotions we have invested.

Nerves

In a few days time my darling submissive is coming to stay and I am really looking forward to doing a lot of catching up with her and helping her to feel calm and relaxed as she is very nervous because she had some pretty bad experiences on her journey of discovery. I am also nervous as I want things to be right for her - one of her worries is that I will be disappointed with her and I have a similar feeling of not wanting to disappoint her, we are taking a big step together and I think I would be more worried if there we were not feeling a little fearful.
I am really looking forward to the day of her collaring but I am also very nervous as it is a really big milestone in our relationship and I am feeling a little bit like I am being pulled in two different directions - on one hand I want it to be a really special and romantic occasion as she is the girl I love and on the other I want it to be really powerful and dramatic to heighten the sense of purpose and making an important lifestyle choice for us both.

Going Deeper

As a result of how Lilith reacted when I wrote about discipline I thought that it would be only right that she has the opportunity to contribute directly to the blog and so I have invited her to become a co-writer. This is because she is such an important part of my search that I think it is necessary for her to say things directly instead of as a response to what I am thinking and feeling and I am allowing her to do this because I trust her and also because it will give me considerable pleasure and one of the most important things for her is to give her Master pleasure.

Collars

Today is a very important day as we are going to buy my submissive her main collar. She is very excited about this as it is something that she needs to show that she is owned by me, and I am excited at the thought of fastening her collar and locking it in place, so it is a major step for us. We have talked about how much this means to both of us, and it is probably best for me to let my darling submissive say in her own words how it makes her feel.
For me buying the collar is only a part of the process - which finishes when I place it around her neck for the first time and hear the click as the lock fastens and see the look of adoration in her eyes as she knows that her submission is real and that she is wearing a symbol of ownership.

Lifestyles

My darling Lilith in her comments about my last post has said that for us our relationship is a lifestyle choice. The moment I made that choice my life changed for the better, for a start I now have my delicious little submissive who I never want to let go and secondly I am comfortable with who I am and how I want to live instead of trying to fit into vanilla society.
I am tired of people who try to make us feel guilty for celebrating the differences between men and women - we are not the same and what I want, and am lucky to have, is a woman who is proud to be a woman and who is soft and gentle, tender and very loving and who needs to be controlled and disciplined by her Master.

Discipline

One cornerstone of our relationship is discipline. My darling submissive needs to be given discipline out of love and my desire to make sure that she does all that her Master needs her to do and make sure that she learns how to serve and please me. Giving discipline is also extremely erotic and arousing for both Master and submissive and binds us closer together. But before anyone says this is kinky or just a fetish it is not, this is a lifestyle choice. My darling submits to me and the discipline I give her out of a positive choice and this is not a choice that could be made by someone who is weak. She is an incredibly strong woman who I have the utmost respect for as she has offered herself completely to me to use as I wish. In turn this allows me to be the Man I need to be and strengthens me. Essentially we have turned back the clock to a time well before feminism and look for strengths in each other rather than permanently trying to apologise for not being die Zwitter that the politically correct brigade want us all to be.
Hope this all makes sense my darling Lilith.

Domination

When my sweet little submissive begs me to be more strict and severe with her and the more aroused she becomes as a result, the more I feel that I am in the right place. In some way it makes me feel like a real man and I don't mean that in the way that men who go off to some post-feminist 'find yourself' workshop mean. I mean that I am in fully in touch with my sexuality and my need to be in control and my need dominate my woman and use her to get my pleasure, knowing that in return she gets pleasure from serving my needs.